Okay, I am in control with my life right? Then why the hell did I get myself into this? There are like 40 contestants in this damn thing... what gives me the idea that I would make it to the top 3? I am no Diva... I can't sing like Ms. Velasquez? nor Like Zsa Zsa Padilla? and I never join contests!!! Geez.... Why do I let people push me around? Well, as always, there is no use complaining about it. I am already in deep shit, might as well embrace it, have fun, and enjoy the ride. I have to learn to set limits next time... NO TO CONTESTS, NO TO DIVA SONGS. Stick to singing in drinking sessions & showers. This law was created on the 17th of Dec 2002, and is permanent. This is for future reference.

Tough times are back --- xmas shopping goes back to basics. Parents, brothers, and a few nephews & nieces.

We all have certain opinions about death. I viewed it to be inevitable --- but somewhat distant. I always thought God would want to have me around longer, so I can do something good. Then my cousin dies. He was 21. It's such a shame really because he was a good person, fun to have around -- and really, really good looking (it was not a surprise to see a lot of girls in his wake). This event made me think... that it is really possible that I would go anytime. The thing is, am I ready? Have I done the things I would like to do? Have I given everything I have to the people that I love? Have I evolved to be a good daughter? a good sister? and a good friend? Would people actually cry at my wake? These things I wonder. ----- Rest in peace J.I. -----